英语幽默笑话(DOC 8页).doc

1、For personal use only in study and research; not for commercial use 英语幽默笑话一、 学习笑话，开心不累 由于文化背景的不同，西方式的笑话幽默与东方式的往往差异较大。对于英语学习者而言，往往不易领会英语笑话的真正含义所在，比如：“I love animals; they are delicious.”这句话只有在英语世界中才有其可笑之处，因为对我们中国人而言，几乎所有的动物皆可使用，这是中国饮食文化的一个方面，因此没什么可大惊小怪的。然而对于西方人而言，动物是人类的亲密伙伴，动物同样有生存权及发展权，因此那位喜爱吃动物的食客才

2、会沦为笑柄。 笑话幽默是了解一种文化的一个途径和窗口。只有了解他们的文化，才能会心地笑出来。而当你同老外们交谈时，领会其幽默之处无疑也是你必备的一种技能。不要等别人都笑出来之后你才反应过来。 学习英文笑话，不仅可以让你了解他们的文化，与他们沟通更加顺畅，还可以增添你学习英语的乐趣，让你对英语逐渐产生兴趣，而不是越学越烦，越学越难。 此外，英文笑话里面有许多幽默机智的小对话，对口语学习非常有益。学习经典英文笑话，学说里面的精炼对话，用不了多久，你的英语口语就将变得非常风趣幽默，你将成为最受欢迎的人，所有人都愿意和你交谈，所有人都乐意听你讲话。如果一个人说话毫无风趣可言，老外们必然会将你排除在他们

3、朋友圈子之外，因为他们最最推崇的交友原则就是：这个人必须幽默风趣！二、 多说多练，风趣幽默 请跟随老师朗读并大胆讲给别人听，不要害羞，也不要害怕丢脸，因为这次丢脸是为了将来永远不丢脸，赶快行动起来吧！1. Intelligent son 聪明的儿子One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didnt write the address and addressees name on the envelope.Afte

4、r the son comes back, the father asks him: You have thrown the letter in the mail box?CertainlyYou have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope.Then why you didnt take it back? I also thought that you do not write the a

5、ddress and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢？”“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!” 2. Sharing the Apples 分苹果Harry was given tw

6、o apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me Id have given you the large one and had the small one myself.Well, said

7、Harry, thats what youve got, so what are you worrying about?妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗？还着什么急呀？3. Snorer 瞌睡者The preacher was vexed（生气的） because a certain member of his congregation（集会，圣会） always fell asleep during the

8、sermon.As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. All who want to go to heaven, please rise. Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering Be seated, the minister sh

9、outed at the top of his voiced, All those who want to be with the devil, please rise.Awaking with a start（吓一跳） , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit（讲道坛） , Well, sir, he said, I dont know what were voting on, but it looks like you and me are

10、the only ones for it.牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”4. Two Pieces of Cake 两块蛋糕Tom: Mom, can I have two

11、 pieces of cake, please?Mom: Certainly - take this piece and cut it two!汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？妈妈：当然可以-拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！5.A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the brea

12、kfast table when I hinted, Honey, do you realize that weve been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, So, you want to switch seats?婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？” 他

13、放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗？6.Its not my fault 不是我的错Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustnt pull the cats tail.Daughter: Im only holding it, Mom. The cats doing the pulling.妈妈（正教训她的女儿）：你不该拽猫的尾巴。女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。7.一分一块钱 A dollar per pointA professor was giving a big test one day to

14、 his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying A dollar per point.The next class the professor han

15、ded the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。8.To Buy a Video 买录像机Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.Im afraid we cant afford one, s

16、ighed his mother.But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.Easy, Mum. replied Amos, I sold the television!艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。恐怕我们还买不起，妈妈叹息着说。可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西？妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。妈妈，这

17、简单， 艾曼斯回答。我把电视机给卖了！9.Does He Bite 它咬人吗Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?Ron: Well, I dont know-does he bite?Reggie: Thats what I want to find out.里基：我们又得到了一条新狗，你愿意过来和他玩一会吗？罗恩：嗯，我不知道-它咬人吗？里基：这正是我想要查明的。10.Birthday 生日Professor: When is your birthday?Kid: May

18、 30.Professor: Which year?Kid: Every year.教授：你的生日是什么时候？孩子：5月30日。教授：哪一年？孩子：每年都是。11.How to Become Rich 如何致富Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you dont give me a nickel Ill tell my father.Sisters boyfriend: No, dont do that. Heres a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a qua

19、rter Ive made this month.弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。12.Im Glad 我很高兴A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?Please, teacher, said a small boy, Iv

20、e made someone glad yesterday.Well done. Who was that?My granny.Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, Granny, Im going home, and she said, Well, Im glad！一个主日学校的老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。现在，

21、孩子们，她说：你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？我，老师，一个小男孩说：昨天我就使别人高兴过。做得好，是谁呢？我奶奶。好孩子，现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：奶奶，我要回家了。她说：啊，我很高兴！13.What Color什么颜色An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly ab

22、le to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?Its a 1982 Toyota, he replied. Its a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . Pleased, I asked what color it was. Well, he said uncomfortably, which part?作为南卡罗莱那州克莱

23、姆森大学的一个本科生，我囊中羞涩，当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时，我甚是激动。我几乎控制不住我的热情，问了爸爸几个关键问题：“什么车？有没有手排挡？有没有磁带舱？”“是1982年产丰田车，”他回答说，“四速，还有，是的，有磁带舱。”我甚是高兴，又问是什么颜色的。“哦，”他很不舒服地说，“你指哪一部分？” 14.One Side of the Case 一面之辞A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.I cant hear o

24、ut of my left ear, the man told the judge.Can you hear out of your right ear? the judge asked. The man nodded his head. Youll be allowed to serve on the jury, the judge declared. We only listen to one side of the case at a time.一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。“我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。“你的右边耳朵听得见吗？”法官问道。那人点了点头

25、。“你将被允许加入陪审团，”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。”15.Day after Day 日复一日A teacher was always so involved in the text being studied that he never looked up . He would call on a student for translation and explanation, and-without realizing it-he often chose the same student day after day. Out of respect, the student wo

26、uldnt point this out to him.After being called on four days in a row, a student named Goldberg asked advice from his friends. The next day when the teacher said Goldberg, translate and explain, Goldberg replied, Goldberg is absent today . All right, said the teacher. YOU translate and explain.一位老师对所

27、讲课文总是非常投入，从不抬头。他常让一个学生来翻译和解释，并且-不自觉地-他常日复一日地叫同一个学生。出于尊敬，学生并不给他指出这一点。一个叫古德伯格的学生，在被一连叫了四天之后，向他的朋友寻求建议。第二天，这位教师又说：“古德伯格，翻译并解释。”古德伯格回答说：“古德伯格今天缺席。” “那好吧，”教师说，“那就你来翻译并解释。”16.A Vacation Cruise 假日巡航游One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the tra

28、vel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, I wonder if theyre serving any food o

29、n this cruise. I don t know, the second guy replied. They didnt last year.一愚笨之人读到一则假日巡航游只须花100元的广告。在他签了字付了款后，旅游经纪人用棒猛击了他一下，把他打昏了过去，并把他从后门扔进了河里。不久又来了一个人，付了钱并得到了相同的待遇。 十五分钟后，这两个人一起向河的下游漂去。第一个人说：“不知道他们这次巡航游是否提供食物。” “不知道，”第二个人说道，“去年是没有的。”17.A Girls Name 女孩的名字When our daughter was born, we named her Myle

30、s, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） .Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of yo

31、u.Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I dont understand why my grandfather had a girls name.女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个

32、女孩子的名字。18.roast pig 烤乳猪A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:Not bad, I am next to the pig. But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: Oh I am sorry, I meant the roaste

33、d one on the table.一位先生去赴宴迟到了，匆忙入座后，发现自己的座位正对着乳猪，于是大为高兴的说：“还不错，我坐在乳猪的旁边。”这时才发现身旁的一位胖女士正怒目相视，他忙陪笑改口到：“对不起，我说的是那只烤好的。”19.你太晚了You Are Too LateOn the bus a man discovered a pickpockets hand thrust into his pocket. sorry, he said to the pickpocket, you are too late. My wife did it before you. 在公共汽车上一人发现一

34、个小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里。“对不起，”他对小偷说，“你太晚了，我妻子在你之前就做过同样的事情了。” 20.I Could Do It Slower 我可以干得慢一些Patient: What do you charge for pulling a tooth?Dentist: Fifty dollars.Patient: Fifty dollars for a couple of minutes work?Dentist: Well, I could do it slower, if you like.病人：拔一颗牙收费多少？牙医：50美元。病人：只几分钟的活儿就要50美元？牙医：好的，如果

35、你喜欢的话，我可以干得慢一些。仅供个人用于学习、研究；不得用于商业用途。For personal use only in study and research; not for commercial use.Nur fr den persnlichen fr Studien, Forschung, zu kommerziellen Zwecken verwendet werden.Pour l tude et la recherche uniquement des fins personnelles; pas des fins commerciales. , , . 以下无正文 仅供个人用于学习、研究；不得用于商业用途。For personal use only in study and research; not for commercial use.Nur fr den persnlichen fr Studien, Forschung, zu kommerziellen Zwecken verwendet werden.Pour l tude et la recherche uniquement des fins personnelles; pas des fins commerciales. , , . 以下无正文