1、01 “Dude Ranch” .Captain: Were beginning our initial descent into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Thank you for flying United. .Phil: Reckon well be landing soon. .Claire: Phil, honey, you promised. not till we got there. . .Phil: This year, were going to a dude ranch with the whole family. .Claire: Mm-hmm.
2、The family. . .Haley: What if Dylan buys his own ticket? Well be sleeping in separate cabins. .Phil: What if Dylan and I share a horse? .Claire: Mm, I hate landing. .Dylan: Well get through this. . .Gloria: Wow! Oh, my goodness. .Jay: What are you doing? .Gloria: I want my ears to pop. .Manny: Try p
3、utting a little Rouge on em. Nobody gets me. .Mitchell: Wow. Isnt this beautiful, little cowgirl? .Cameron: You hate her sparkly outfit, dont you? .Mitchell: No, I told you, its fine. I just didnt like you wearing a matching one. . .Mitchell: So we havent told the family yet, but weve decided to ado
4、pt a baby boy. . 1 .- Page 4-Cameron: From America this time. You might say were buying domestic. .Mitchell: In private. You might say that in private. .Cameron: Our adoption attorney told us it would be a good idea to make a photo book to show prospective moms. .Mitchell: But he thought that Cams v
5、ersion was a little too artsy, so weve decided to take a few rugged shots at the ranch to, you know, balance it out. .Cameron: I dont think it need balancing out. .Mitchell: Really? .Cameron: Its called Production value. . .OPENING CREDITS . .Mitchell: Horse. .Gloria: Look, Jay! So beautiful! .Jay:
6、Your ears havent popped yet, huh? .Gloria: Im like the horse whisperer. But something is making this one skittish. .Dylan: Whoa. Look at the mountains. .Haley: Theyre amazing. .Dylan: Ive never been this far from home before now Ive never been this far. .Claire: Wheres a cliff when you need one? .Ja
7、y: Look, kids! A real life cowboy! .Luke: Oh. Come see. Come see. .Claire: Uh-oh. .Luke: Whats he doing? .Claire: Oh, my. 2 .- Page 5-Hank: My name is Hank. Here at the Lost Creek Ranch, youre gonna ride, youre gonna rope, and youre gonna shoot. Youre gonna see a sky so full of stars, itll put your
8、city lights to shame. And when its all done, you might just encounter a piece of yourselves you never knew was there. Are there any questions? .Manny: Uh, do we book spa treatments through you or. .Hank: I like you, kid. Im gonna call you Hollywood. .Manny: That wasnt an answer. .Hank: And whos this
9、 cactus flower? .Gloria: What? .Jay: Thats my wife Gloria. .Hank: Well, shes Cactus Flower now, old-timer. .Jay: These, uh, these nicknames. are they set in stone? . .Hank: Okey dokey. You ready, gunslinger? .Phil: I heard word of trouble in these parts. Pull! That oughta fix it, eh, Jay? .Jay: You
10、got a piece of it. .Phil: Ive been practicing like crazy, all my cowboy skills. shootin, ropin. pancake eatin. Why? Because sometimes I feel like Jay doesnt respect me as a man. . .Phil: Its just that when you say, Phil is my son-in-law, it sounds like youre saying, Phyllis, my son-in-law. .Jay: Tha
11、ts ridiculous. .Phil:Okay, whos your son-in-law? .Jay: Phyllis. . . 3 .- Page 6-Phil: Im not asking for a hug. I just want to get that look of newfound respect, like. Or. Or. mm. Yeah. . .Phil: Check it out. Two birds, one leg. Pull it! Not bad, eh, Old-timer? .Hank: Uh, see, slappy only had three f
12、ingers. .Gloria: What? .Hank: He only had three fingers. Whos next? .Mitchell: Oh, me. Me. .Cameron: Oh, this is good. This is good. Tres macho. No smile. Dont smile. Good. .Hank: You ready? .Mitchell: Wait. Do I say pull? Sorry. Sorry. .Jay: Mitchell, why dont you go find Manny at the spa? Wouldnt
13、that be more fun? .Mitchell: Yeah. . .Mitchell: I realized that if I was gonna raise a boy, I needed to butch up my life. You know, I wanted to be able to teach my son all the things that my Dad taught Claire. . .Luke: Hey, Hollywood. .Manny: I dont love that. .Luke: Wanna see something? .Manny: Oh,
14、 my gosh. Is that a firecracker? .Luke: Shh! Now I just need to find the perfect thing to blow up. .Manny: Is that thing even legal? .Luke: Not here. Its from Germany. If they had this during the war, right now wed all be knee-deep in strudel. . 4 .- Page 7-Alex : Watch it! .Jimmy: What you doing, e
15、h? You readin? .Alex : Trying to. .Jimmy: Im not so good at it either. .Alex : Im not surprised. .Jimmy: That was a joke. Im Jimmy Scrivano. You want to see me do a cannonball? .Alex : Id rather see you get hit by one, but. .Jimmy: Ha. Good one, gorgeous. . .Gloria: Jay! Is this like the lobster?! D
16、o I get to pick one for dinner? Because this one looks very tender. .Hank: Look alive, Old-timer. One of your calves is getting away. .Jay: Hey, somethings wrong with my horse. Shes veering left. When this happened to my Uncle, it was a stroke. .Hank: Oh, theres nothing wrong with Buttercup. You jus
17、t gotta let her know whos boss! Beautiful form, Cactus Flower! Beautiful! You look like a dadgum conquistadora! .Jay ; Shes deaf, but I can hear ya. .Cameron: Why are you riding that way? .Mitchell: Im afraid that cow over there might bite me. .Cameron: Oh, yes, hes gonna come up and bite you becaus
18、e your leg looks so desirable with those. are those canvas? .Claire: Okay, Phil, ease that one back over towards me. .Phil: Got it. .Claire: Ease him back this way. .Phil: Hey! Piece of cake, huh, Jay? Huh? . 5 .- Page 8-Hank: Ease that one over to Bossy. .Phil: Which ones Bossy? .Hank: Thats my nic
19、kname for your wife. .Phil: Hilarious. .Haley: Go, Mom! Whoo! .Dylan: Yeah, Mom! You rock! .Claire: Oh, I wish I had a rock. .Phil: Hey. It wouldnt kill you to be nice to Dylan. .Claire: It might. But, honey, I dont know why you always stick up for him. Haley can do so much better. .Phil: Because I
20、know what its like to fall for a girl whose dad thinks Im not good enough. .Claire: All right, youre right. I can make more of an effort. .Phil: Thats the woman I love. .Hank: We taking a little break over here? Laying some pipe. .Phil: No. Sorry. I was just talking to Bossy. .Hank: Uh-huh. .Claire:
21、 Phil! .Phil: Im sorry. .Gloria: Jay, look! I got this one! I got this one! .Jay: Shes veering left again. When we get back, Im gonna see if she can track a pencil with her eyes. . .Alex : Okay, Lily, Im going to push you one more time. Now dont kick me, okay? Aah! Oh! Lily! I said dont kick me. Oka
22、y? . 6 .- Page 9-Jimmy: You know its your own fault thats happening. Why dont you try standing behind her? .Alex : You are an idiot. .Jimmy: Oh, really? I aint the one getting kicked. .Alex : Why are you following me? .Jimmy: Why are you fighting me here, gorgeous? This works. .Alex : I really, real
23、ly dont appreciate you calling me gorgeous. I just want to enjoy time with my family, so if you dont mind. mm! .Jimmy: Not a problem. See you around, sunshine. .Lily: You kissed a boy! .Alex : No, the boy kissed me. Okay, Lily? The boy kissed me. . .Dylan: I rode a horse for the first time today was
24、nt surprised when it went. neigh .Claire: Okay. Hey, Dylan. .Dylan: Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. .Claire: I was wondering if we could have a little chat. .Dylan: Oh. You want me to go home. .Claire: No, no. Its the. the opposite of that. .Dylan: I want you to go home? .Claire: No, I, um, I want you to know how
25、 glad I am that youre here. .Dylan: Really? Cause sometimes I just get this vibe you dont like me. .Claire: Oh. Dylan, no. Im sorry. I-I like you. I-I like you a lot. I just. Its complicated because Haleys my daughter. .Dylan: Whoa. Whoa, whoa. You are totally a hot mom, but I cant do this. . 7 .- P
26、age 10-Claire: Oh, my God. Okay, we. theres. no, no. I merely meant that Im sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. .Dylan: Whew! That would have been awkward. .Claire: So awkward. .Dylan: You know, but for the record, Mrs. Dunphy. .Claire: Yes? .Dylan: If Haley wasnt my girlfriend. .Claire: Yeah. .Dyla
27、n: And Mr. Dunphy was out of the picture. .Claire: Mm-hmm. .Dylan: I would be honored to share your bed and raise Luke, Alex, and Haley as my own. .Claire: Okay. Good talk. . .Gloria: Shell be running down the mountain. shell be running down the Mountain when she comes .Jay: The song ended two minut
28、es ago. .Hank: Well, Ill tell you what. She could play Evita. .Jay: Really? You notice the crickets left? Anyone want more water? .Mitchell: Oh, Dad, Ill take one. .Jay: Heads up. .Claire: Oh, my gosh. .Mitchell: Oh. It was. it was dark. I-I couldnt see it. Thank you. . .Manny: So did you set off th
29、e firecracker yet? . 8 .- Page 11-Luke: When I do, you wont have to ask. First, all the electronics will go out, then comes the heat flash. Afterwards, the living will envy the dead. .Manny: And yet Im the one on the No-fly list. .Cameron: You know what? Maybe next time Ill just catch it and then ha
30、nd it to you. .Mitchell: Oh, okay. Yeah, lets do that. You. you do everything, and Ill do nothing. .Cameron: Something on your mind? .Mitchell: This isnt the right place to talk about it. .Cameron: Okay. .Mitchell: I-Im s. Im not sure if we should have another baby. .Cameron: What? Are you serious?
31、.Mitchell: I think that we might be rushing into this. .Cameron: Rushing into. weve been working. .Dylan: Everybody, its me, Dylan. I just wanted to thank you all for bringing me on this trip and making me feel like one of the family, uh, especially Bossy. So I cant think of a better time to ask som
32、ething of the woman that I love. Okay. .Claire: No, no. .Dylan: Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy, will you do me the honors of being my lawfully wedded. .Claire: No. No, no, no, no, no. No proposals. Not now. Not gonna happen. Shes a child, so. .Haley: Mom! .Claire: Youre still in high school! .Dylan: I meant
33、 after she graduates. .Claire: Not then. Not now. Not ever. Seriously, what are you two gonna live off of? The. the. the royalties from the horsey song? Put it back in your pocket. .Haley: Would you stop it? . 9 .- Page 12-Claire: No, I wont. I wont. .Dylan: No, its okay. I guess Ill just turn in. J
34、ust so you know, theres a fan in my cabin that sounds like someone crying. .Haley: Dylan, wait! I hate you! .Claire: Oh, come on. Haley, get back here! Phil, anything? .Phil: I think you said it all, Claire. You want me to rope her? I can, you know. .Hank: For what its worth, my second wife was in h
35、igh school. . .Cameron: Sweetie, here. Here we go. One, two, three. One, two, three. Gone. .Lily: Its gone! Its over there! .Cameron: Its not back there. .Lily: We counted to three. .Cameron: Yes. .Mitchell: Hey. .Cameron: Where have you been? .Mitchell: I-I slept on the couch in the lodge. I know y
36、ou didnt want to have a big fight last night. .Cameron: Well, Im ready now. .Mitchell: Cam, Im sorry. Look, what if I cant do the father-son stuff? The hunting, the. the sports, the Three Stooges? You know what happens in real life when someone gets hit in the head with a ladder? They go to the hosp
37、ital and they get an MRI. Never see that scene. .Cameron: I think youre overthinking this. You know, I love sports, I love the Stooges. Weve got this covered. .Mitchell: No. No, you. you got it covered, but Im just stuck on the sidelines, pretending to understand the rules, and. You know, my dad was
38、 a rough-and-tumble guy, and I just. I could never relate to him. And I dont know. I just dont think I could handle disappointing. two generations. . 10 .- Page 13-Cameron: I think youre more masculine than you give yourself credit for. .Mitchell: Who puts a birdhouse next to a porch? . .Gloria: Cla
39、ire, I know that youre worried that Dylan is gonna break Haleys heart, but I see in his eyes that hes gonna stick with her forever. No matter what, hes always going to be with her. On your deathbed. .Claire: Okay. All right. I cant take this anymore. Im gonna go find her. .Jay: No. You push too hard
40、, you chase her right into his arms, youll end up with a boob for a son-in-law. Believe me, you dont want that. .Phil: Whats that supposed to mean? .Jay: What? .Haley: Hey, have you guys seen Dylan? .Claire: No. No. Why? .Haley: Im not talking to you. He said he was going out for a walk last night, and no ones seen him since. .Phil: Sweetheart, Im sure hes fine. Maybe after last night, he just went home. .Manny: Doubt it. He left his luggage. .Haley: We have to do somethi
